Deciding whether or not to have your child participate in a recital is not a decision to take lightly. I applaud you for taking the time to consider the question carefully.

Throughout my teaching career, many parents have wondered aloud if participating in the recital is something they should "make" their kids do.
Factors such as busy schedules that make preparation difficult; performance anxiety; and the tension between music-as-fun vs. music-as-responsibility philosophies give parents pause when making this decision.
I've hosted dozens of recitals in my over 25 year teaching career and witnessed a variety of recital styles and student reactions. And here's what I know: a recital can be an amazing musical and personal growth opportunity or a negative experience that leaves a student scarred.
The outcome is largely determined by how the recital experience is managed by both the instructor and the parents.
There are many positive reasons to participate in a recital. A good recital experience helps students:
feel more comfortable in the public eye
learn how to present themselves in a performance situation, like public speaking
learn important coping skills for high-pressure situations
That being said, a recital experience can leave a student feeling overwhelmed, embarrassed, and unsure of themselves if not managed appropriately.
When deciding whether or not your child is ready to d, here are some things to consider.
What is the culture of the recital?
If the culture is high pressure, with an emphasis on grueling preparation and a perfect performance, you have to ask yourself if your child will enjoy this situation or not. I've had a few students over the years who love this type of atmosphere and thrive in it, but I've had many more that do not.
If the tone of the recital isn't positive and supportive, consider passing on the opportunity altogether or at least until your child is a seasoned performer. The experience could do more harm than good, and might even sour your child's experience enough that they no longer want to play music.
If the recital atmosphere is positive, though, consider having your child participate. Here are the signs of a positive performance atmosphere:
the instructor emphasizes the quality of your child's practice effort and not the need to perform perfectly
the instructor actively supports and encourages your child on a regular basis
the recital feels fun and celebratory, focusing on student growth and the opportunity to share music
recital participation is not mandatory and the teacher helps you make a considered decision about whether or not your child should participate
Are you willing to help your child prepare for the performance?
If you think the culture is a good one and you are willing to put some time and effort into helping your child prepare for performance day, this can be an excellent experience for your child.
Here are some things you can do to help your child be optimally prepared for performance day:
Have your child practice performing. Performing is a learned skill, much like practicing, and it can absolutely be learned and improved. Make a commitment in the weeks leading up to the performance to help your child become as comfortable as possible performing their piece.
Have them play the piece dozens of times. Â In the weeks just before the performance, students should play their piece - from start to finish - many, many, MANY times. There is a lot to be said for muscle memory kicking in when nerves threaten to derail a performance, but this only happens after dozens of repetitions. (If you as their parent don't absolutely hate their recital song by the time of the performance, they haven't practiced it enough...kidding...kind of...)
Have them practice the skill of not stopping. Sometimes the fear of performing is actually a fear of making a mistake. Especially in our perfectionist culture, the idea of making a mistake can seem like a catastrophe impossible to overcome. The only way to prove to ourselves that it isn't is to practice the skill of continuing on when we mess up. The more your child practices this skill, the easier it will become to recover and continue on if mistakes happen during performance.
For all my performance preparation tips, read this blog.
What if I decide the recital isn't a good idea right now?
You can still help your child become more comfortable with sharing their music with others. Here are some alternative suggestions:
Attend the recital without performing. Sometimes students imagine that a recital is scarier than it actually is. Letting them experience the recital first-hand and hear the other students play can make it seem less scary. They'll also see that other students are nervous and get through it, which makes performance nerves seems less of an impediment.
Have them host their own "mini recital." Encourage a student to host a mini recital - an in-person or online recital they plan themselves and play for friends or relatives of their choice - is a great way to gently introduce performing. To get my free guide for mini recital preparation, click here.
I hope this information helps make the recital decision-making process easier. With some thought and planning, you can help ensure that your child's performance experiences are positive and well-suited to their particular personality and needs.
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